Preface

The Not-So-Secret Kirkwall Diary of Anders (& Justice!)
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at https://archiveofourown.org/works/5825920.

Rating:
General Audiences
Archive Warning:
No Archive Warnings Apply
Category:
Gen
Fandoms:
Dragon Age II, Dragon Age (Video Games)
Characters:
Anders (Dragon Age), Hawke (Dragon Age)
Additional Tags:
Humor, Very Secret Diary, Sorry Not Sorry
Language:
English
Stats:
Published: 2016-01-26 Words: 632 Chapters: 1/1

The Not-So-Secret Kirkwall Diary of Anders (& Justice!)

Summary

"Day 1: Arrived in Kirkwall. Mages seem v. oppressed. Also, have nowhere to live."

The trials and tribulations of setting up a clinic in a spider-infested sewer, exploring tunnels full of lyrium smugglers (why so many?!) and narrowly avoiding the evil templars everywhere.

Notes

I'm so sorry. I mock Anders only because I love him. And I post this only because it made my wife laugh.

The Not-So-Secret Kirkwall Diary of Anders (& Justice!)

Day 1: Arrived in Kirkwall. Mages seem v. oppressed. Also, have nowhere to live.

Day 2: Killed 7 different robbers. This must not be a good part of town. Upside? No templars!

Day 5: Have found many suffering souls to help. There’s a nice spot in creepy abandoned mines/sewer tunnels that might serve as a clinic.

Day 6: Future clinic slightly less full of giant spiders. Have not yet found a public bath. Where does one go to wash off spider goop around here?

Day 10: Spiders all dead. Another 3 robbers killed in self-defense. Spider corpses starting to smell.

Day 12: Helped a woman deliver her baby! Life is so precious. Mother & baby fine. Father of baby offered to build new cots - and for some reason a tub?

Day 13: Father from yesterday already settled tub in back room (walled-off mine shaft). Friends of the family are carrying water and wood. V. kind of them but don’t see the rush? Mother & baby recovering in clinic.

Day 14: Maker’s breath. Had forgotten ‘clean.’ It’s great. Should do it more often. Also not sure what’s been happening anywhere not Darktown these past weeks. Got a little too absorbed with helping the sick, in every way. Related: Justice is used to literally being in a decomposing body. Note to self - hygiene standards should be higher than those of a corpse.

Day 17: Wow, so many more people are coming down here after we—I—started bathing. And also got rid of pile of dead robbers.

Day 18: Went out to Lowtown for supplies. Saw some templars. They def. seem evil and oppressive.

Day 22: Have made contact with some mages. Was right re: templars. K-C Meredith is awful and the mages have even less freedom (!!) than in Ferelden.

Day 23: Outraged to hear about all the mage suffering. Demanded an explanation from some woman in the Chantry. NOT HELPFUL.

Day 24: Think I saw a cat!!

Day 25: Some of the food left for cat was gone this morning!

Day 26: Wow, the rats down here get really big. Like, really.

Day 27: Still no cat.

Day 33: Busy week. Have explored the tunnels. Think it might be possible to get into the Gallows! Would be brilliant for freeing oppressed mages! P.S. Still no cat.

Day 35: Miss Ser Pounce-A-Lot. The rats just aren’t the same. Bet Circle mages here don’t get to keep pets. Awful.

Day 37: Tunnels randomly full of lyrium smugglers. Why so many?! Thought smuggling was about stealth, not brute force.

Day 40: Found a tavern. Apparently can’t get drunk anymore. Really needed to, too. Patients dying. Mages oppressed. How deal without beer?!

Day 41: Templars in the market again. How dare they!!

Day 44: Exciting news! Almost at Gallows. Spiders took out some of the lyrium smugglers. Lyrium smugglers took out some of the spiders. Fight still ongoing at last sighting.

Day 45: By Andraste’s knickerweasels, why would anyone turning to blood magic revive a bunch of lyrium smugglers?! Clearly these poor mages have been driven insane by templars. Still, undead smugglers making exploring v. difficult.

Day 47:  Met v. friendly dwarf in tavern. No beard! Odd. But good listener. P.S. Still no cat.

Day 50: Fereldan came asking for me. Not for clinic—for me. Was with another mage and they both asked for my help! So far, great. But then the downside: they’re into Deep Roads? Ugh.

Day 50, again: Fereldan was v. nice-looking, with lovely name - Hawke. If Hawke comes back, should agree to help and explain all about MAGE OPPRESSION. With a mage sister, that should be a great topic for conversation, right? Think most of the undead lyrium smugglers have been eaten by spiders. Tonight I’ll make it to the Gallows!    

Afterword

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