“Your frowns are so adorable,” he confides in her, clearly still in a bit of a daze.
The strange compliment makes Hawke grin, rending the ‘adorable’ frown invisible again. Anders hand drops back to his side, and he blinks slowly at her. “Wait, what?”
“Exactly,” Hawke remarks. “What was up with the wait?”
It takes Anders a few moments to break out of his contemplation of whatever part of her has him entranced now, and Hawke finds she doesn’t mind at all. She always did favor attentive lovers over the 'turn over and snore' kind.
“Wait to… to come here?”
Hawke nods, and now it’s her turn to stroke a frown away. Though she thinks Anders is cuter when he smiles. Or giggles – that was definitely a reaction she’ll have to hunt for again. “I did tell you,” she reminds him. “That I wouldn’t mind getting to know you better. And you said…”
Anders sighs, frown deepening, and she trails off. She doesn’t wish to hurt him, not in any way, but she spent three years – years – wondering if she’d ever get this far, and even now with Anders warm beside her, the need to understand is still great in her. Possibly greater than ever, because if she doesn’t understand what made him change his mind this time, how can she be sure it doesn’t happen again?
“It was supposed to discourage you indefinitely,” Anders says at last, and Hawke loves the way his mouth curls with self-deprecating humor. “But I underestimated your tenacity.”
Hawke grins. “And your irresistible body.” Anders cheeks are too flushed to make out any blushing, but his chuckle reverberates pleasantly through Hawke’s chest, where it’s resting on his.
“Ah, yes, the bane of my life. Constantly having to fend off all of these advances from people who only want me for my body.”
“Don’t worry,” Hawke says, and tastes salt as she kisses his forehead. “I want the whole package.”
Anders stares up at her, and she reads disbelief and fear both in his face. “Are you sure?” Considering the enthusiasm with which Hawke has been displaying her approval of all of Anders, this confuses Hawke for a second until she remembers.
“Ah. Right.” The ‘whole package’ in this case also includes a fade spirit called ‘Justice’ somehow living inside the body she’s been having such a good time with in bed.
“Exactly,” Anders says, unflinching in the face of Hawke’s hesitation. “What you asked before – why I waited…”
“Was it because of Justice?” Because that’s weird, sure, but it was also one of the first things Anders had told her about himself. It’s not like he’d been hiding from her to protect his dark secret or anything.
“He… doesn’t want this.”
“He doesn’t want this?” Hawke repeats, gesturing to her body under the sheets.
Anders shakes his head, too preoccupied with whatever he’s thinking to run with the comment. “I told you. He thinks this is a dangerous distraction.”
“Well, I can be quite dangerous.” Hawke pauses to let Anders react to the comment, and then sighs when he doesn’t. “So for three years you… let him decide?”
Anders head drops back on the pillow. “It’s not quite that… easy.”
“Mm,” Hawke murmurs, tactfully withholding an Anders-related comment on the theme of being easy.
“I… am not entirely me. Or him. Not anymore.”
“So,” Hawke says, trying to remember all that Anders has told her on the subject, “Because Anders is also Justice… does that mean you’re kind of disapproving of all of this right now?” Now that is weird to think about.
Anders shoulders heave in a sigh. “I don’t. I don’t!” He gives Hawke’s cheek a caress, tender and sweet and definitely not the gesture of a disapproving lover. “But yes. I can also feel Justice’s impatience. That sense that this is… “ Anders’ words trail off, and he looks imploringly at Hawke.
“I want to understand,” she says, because how else is she going to make this work? And she is surprised to find how deeply she wishes to make this work, now.
“Alright,” Anders sounds hesitant, but he forges on. “Justice thinks this is inappropriate, because it does nothing to help mages.”
Hawke gives a quiet laugh. “I don’t know. It seemed to help one mage I know?”
Anders frowns at her, sitting up against his pillow to meet her eyes. “Are you really not bothered by this?”
“That part of you feels you should be off freeing mages from the Gallows and doing whatever else Justice wants?” Hawke asks, considering it. “I don’t know – I think most people have something like it? Only it can’t take over and make them glow bright blue.”
“But it means I can never be all… I’ll always have to fight that, just to even remain at your side.”
“Well, if even part of you actually wants to remain at my side, that’s quite a bit more than I can say for a lot of people,” Hawke says. It comes out sounding like a quip, but it’s true. It’s a rare thing to find in a lover. “If you’re willing to fight–”
“I’m willing to do anything,” Anders says, rising from the sheets to grab Hawke’s free hand with both of his. “Anything.”
The naked passion in his voice makes Hawke shiver, delightful little bursts of desire rushing through her from the touch, her heart beating faster to have that confirmed.
“Then I’d say you’re worth the wait,” she smiles. There’s still doubt in Anders’ eyes, but it’s not words Hawke is planning to use to convince him of her intentions. Not when she can lean over and tip him back down in bed, letting her body speak for her in ways Anders certainly can’t misinterpret.